30C Homoeopathic Beer

Disclaimer: Don't try this at home. Making beer without a license may be a criminal offense in your country. The author hereby disclaims all damages, drunken damage and burned throats attributed to the execution of this recipe.

Required

• pot of black coffee. (see text)
• access to a water source, such as a tap.
• 10ml measure
• 1l bottle
  

Preparation

Coffee is a well known stimulant, known to induce sobriety in a normal drunk person. The law of similars is stated as "similia similibus curantur", which is a fancy Latin Homoeopathic way of saying that "like cures like". Thus, the very liquid that causes sobriety in a normal drunk person can be used to make a Homoeopathic medicine that can cure the ills of an abnormally sober person. Armed with this splendid knowledge, let us move on to the preparation of our 30C Homoeopathic beer.

Measure out 10ml of coffee, also known in Homoeopathy as the mother tincture. Take a 1 litre bottle and put the 10ml in it. Fill the bottle with 990ml of water from the tap. Shake the bottle carefully 18 times or so alternating with taps on a piece of leather, such as a bag or a belt. Now you have in your hands a litre of 1C Homoeopathic beer. However, we will not need such a weak drink. Measure out 10ml from the bottle and pour the rest away. Again, add 990ml of water to our 10ml of 1C solution. Again shake and tap to dynamize our drink. We have now obtained a 2C beer, slightly more potent. Take 10ml from it and repeat this process 30 times until we have a 30C solution. Be very careful with the disposal of waste solution at the later stages, as the solution is sufficiently potentiated as to be an environmental hazard. Your 30C Homoeopathic beer is now ready for drinking and you are advised to be a responsible drunk.

As we know, traditional double blind placebo controlled clinical trials that are used to test Allopathic drugs and beer do not work on our Homoeopathic beer. Also, such methods as chemical analysis and tasting will not detect the effects of our potentiation. Thus our highly potent beer is safe to carry in large quantities across police checkpoints as well.

If you wish to have your transsubstan... um, potentiated beer chilled and fizzy, you may alternatively make a mother tincture from equal amounts of boiling water and 3 day old stale cola with lots of caffeine.

***