[Updated as and when Benny chooses to open his sacred mouth]
Never use condoms, dear Africans. They spread aids!
(Science be damned, you've got to stick to church doctrine when advising people. link)
***
Sunday, March 29, 2009
The Kottayam Declaration on Human Rights in Invisible Pink Unicornism
March 29, 2009
[English Translation]
This document shall, by the grace of the Invisible Pink Unicorn (IPU, pbuh), serve as a guide for countries that want to implement the One True Divine Law (OTDL) of the IPU (pbuh). The OTDL is subject solely to the interpretation of the One True Prophet, whom now you have the honour of reading.
ARTICLE 1:
(a) All human beings are the same, ie, worthless trash in the eyes of the most holy Invisible Pink Unicorn. Only under Unicornism shall humans achieve true civilization.
(b) All women are equal human beings and there shall be no discrimination between women on the basis of gender. (Subject to the terms of the OTDL.)
(c) A man counts as 1/2 of a human being.
(d) Refer to the OTDL for the rights of infidels.
ARTICLE 2:
Everybody has the right not to be killed or harmed unless the OTDL or the IPU hint otherwise.
ARTICLE 3:
Every poor defenseless human dead body has a right to be free from assault by Anatomy students and such scum.
ARTICLE 4:
Children have rights--you guessed it, entirely subject to interpretations of the OTDL.
ARTICLE 5:
All women have the right to study Science so as to learn more about the divine attributes of the IPU (pbuh). Men are possibly not important to her.
ARTICLE 6
(a) Unicornism is the bestest religion ever. Unicorn rocks. Epic win.
(b) It is an abomination to trick, convince or force a person to leave the One True Religion of the Invisible Pink Unicorn. Offenders have the right to choose between being shot and hung.
ARTICLE 7:
Nobody has the right to oppress and subjugate people except the Invisible Pink Unicorn and Her agents.
ARTICLE 8:
(a) Everyone shall have the right to express his opinion freely in such manner as would not be contrary to the principles of the OTDL.
(b) Everyone shall have the right to advocate what is right, and propagate what is good, and warn against what is wrong and evil according to the norms of the Unicornic OTDL.
(c) Information may not be exploited or misused in such a way as may violate sanctities and the dignity of the IPU's prophets such as this author, undermine moral and ethical values or disintegrate, corrupt or harm society or weaken its faith in the Most Holy Invisible Pink Unicorn.
ARTICLE 9:
All the rights and freedoms stipulated in this Declaration are subject to the OTDL and the author's discretion.
May the Invisible Pink Unicorn bless us all, and save us all from being trampled under Her holy hooves.
Link to an even more progressive list of rights:
http://www1.umn.edu/humanrts/instree/cairodeclaration.html
***
[English Translation]
This document shall, by the grace of the Invisible Pink Unicorn (IPU, pbuh), serve as a guide for countries that want to implement the One True Divine Law (OTDL) of the IPU (pbuh). The OTDL is subject solely to the interpretation of the One True Prophet, whom now you have the honour of reading.
ARTICLE 1:
(a) All human beings are the same, ie, worthless trash in the eyes of the most holy Invisible Pink Unicorn. Only under Unicornism shall humans achieve true civilization.
(b) All women are equal human beings and there shall be no discrimination between women on the basis of gender. (Subject to the terms of the OTDL.)
(c) A man counts as 1/2 of a human being.
(d) Refer to the OTDL for the rights of infidels.
ARTICLE 2:
Everybody has the right not to be killed or harmed unless the OTDL or the IPU hint otherwise.
ARTICLE 3:
Every poor defenseless human dead body has a right to be free from assault by Anatomy students and such scum.
ARTICLE 4:
Children have rights--you guessed it, entirely subject to interpretations of the OTDL.
ARTICLE 5:
All women have the right to study Science so as to learn more about the divine attributes of the IPU (pbuh). Men are possibly not important to her.
ARTICLE 6
(a) Unicornism is the bestest religion ever. Unicorn rocks. Epic win.
(b) It is an abomination to trick, convince or force a person to leave the One True Religion of the Invisible Pink Unicorn. Offenders have the right to choose between being shot and hung.
ARTICLE 7:
Nobody has the right to oppress and subjugate people except the Invisible Pink Unicorn and Her agents.
ARTICLE 8:
(a) Everyone shall have the right to express his opinion freely in such manner as would not be contrary to the principles of the OTDL.
(b) Everyone shall have the right to advocate what is right, and propagate what is good, and warn against what is wrong and evil according to the norms of the Unicornic OTDL.
(c) Information may not be exploited or misused in such a way as may violate sanctities and the dignity of the IPU's prophets such as this author, undermine moral and ethical values or disintegrate, corrupt or harm society or weaken its faith in the Most Holy Invisible Pink Unicorn.
ARTICLE 9:
All the rights and freedoms stipulated in this Declaration are subject to the OTDL and the author's discretion.
May the Invisible Pink Unicorn bless us all, and save us all from being trampled under Her holy hooves.
Link to an even more progressive list of rights:
http://www1.umn.edu/humanrts/instree/cairodeclaration.html
***
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