Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Area Man Has Trouble Believing He's Not In Europe As Local Girl Attains Sainthood

Bharananganam: Local man Matthayichen Nasrani is still in a daze of excitement hours after India's first Catholic Saint was named from his very neighborhood. "I knew it!", he exclaims, "I knew it the moment [in a 2002 Cricket match] Annakkutty (St. Alphonsa) successfully mediated my request to make Sachin [Tendulkar] hit a six on Shoaib Aktar's ball". He also adds that he will be dropping Tendulkar and supporting the saint from now on, strictly based on Cricketing performance.

He relates how as he passed the tomb of the saint this afternoon, he had the urge to stop the bus, get out and go see the saint. But he eventually decided against it because, he says, he didn't know much about the public transit system in Italy. "I'm pretty sure that it was not that Fiat Palio's overtaking us that confused me, but rather the thought that I was now passing through saint-producing land. I was certain that if I wasn't in Padua, I must've been in Marseilles or Barcelona or Vienna". He goes on to comment on the exciting prospect that just a damn lot more saints and Kerala, with maybe 6 million christians, will be as theologically advanced as Italy.

Matthaichen then talks about how he used to consider old Portuguese religious imperialism troubling, and how the advent of this sainthood has helped him put the Synod of Diamper and the Goa Inquisition in perspective. "If they hadn't come and forcibly converted malabar christians into catholics, would this sainthood have been possible now?", he says, going on to describe how the bunch of Nestorian heretics in this country at the time didn't even deserve to become catholics. As for the large sections of malabar christians who went back to the old middle-eastern authorities and traditions in 1653, Matthaichen expects that they are now secretly regretting their hasty decision.

When asked about the life and example of the newly sainted, Matthayichen describes how his life was transformed by the good saint: "When I didn't know better, I had this dream of maybe one day joining a medical research team and curing cancer and such. But once I accepted the then Blessed Alphonsa as my personal mediator, I asked myself, 'what would Alphonsa do?' The answer was immediately clear. It was her lifelong illness and suffering that made her a saint, not some bloody modern miracle cure that would've left her an ex-sick-nun without a trade. Nowadays I just admire people's suffering, relishing how it brings them closer to God."

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