DIY Desecration (A kind of Italian voodoo)

[By someone who has attended hundreds of such summoning rituals.]

Get some wine and an unleavened edible wafer.

Now say this dark dead-language catholic incantation over them:

"Hic est enim Calix Sanguinis mei, novi et aeterni testamenti; mysterium fidei: qui pro vobis et pro multis effundetur in remissionem peccatorum."

This turns the wafer into a homunculus of a certain Middle Eastern zombie called Yeshu. Now proceed to nailing, zapping, the rack, flamethrower, crucifixion, whatever.

The aim of this dark magic is to practice a primitive form of mind control. A murderous rage is often documented in a certain sect of ritualistic cannibals with this powerful magic. Be warned that these individuals have an altered perception of reality and may assault you in this paranoid rage. In fact, this is precisely the experience of the reputed traditional practitioners of this magic, an originally Middle Eastern sect of clairvoyants and magicians who must, one surmises, be foolishly brave to persist in this particular dangerous magic.

A great and famous warlock who is reputed to have done this (for him trivial) magic recently is the Wizard of PZ, Myers. He records the developments at his Pharynguleal Journal of Life-spirit Magic.

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30C Homoeopathic Beer

Disclaimer: Don't try this at home. Making beer without a license may be a criminal offense in your country. The author hereby disclaims all damages, drunken damage and burned throats attributed to the execution of this recipe.

Required

• pot of black coffee. (see text)
• access to a water source, such as a tap.
• 10ml measure
• 1l bottle
  

Preparation

Coffee is a well known stimulant, known to induce sobriety in a normal drunk person. The law of similars is stated as "similia similibus curantur", which is a fancy Latin Homoeopathic way of saying that "like cures like". Thus, the very liquid that causes sobriety in a normal drunk person can be used to make a Homoeopathic medicine that can cure the ills of an abnormally sober person. Armed with this splendid knowledge, let us move on to the preparation of our 30C Homoeopathic beer.

Measure out 10ml of coffee, also known in Homoeopathy as the mother tincture. Take a 1 litre bottle and put the 10ml in it. Fill the bottle with 990ml of water from the tap. Shake the bottle carefully 18 times or so alternating with taps on a piece of leather, such as a bag or a belt. Now you have in your hands a litre of 1C Homoeopathic beer. However, we will not need such a weak drink. Measure out 10ml from the bottle and pour the rest away. Again, add 990ml of water to our 10ml of 1C solution. Again shake and tap to dynamize our drink. We have now obtained a 2C beer, slightly more potent. Take 10ml from it and repeat this process 30 times until we have a 30C solution. Be very careful with the disposal of waste solution at the later stages, as the solution is sufficiently potentiated as to be an environmental hazard. Your 30C Homoeopathic beer is now ready for drinking and you are advised to be a responsible drunk.

As we know, traditional double blind placebo controlled clinical trials that are used to test Allopathic drugs and beer do not work on our Homoeopathic beer. Also, such methods as chemical analysis and tasting will not detect the effects of our potentiation. Thus our highly potent beer is safe to carry in large quantities across police checkpoints as well.

If you wish to have your transsubstan... um, potentiated beer chilled and fizzy, you may alternatively make a mother tincture from equal amounts of boiling water and 3 day old stale cola with lots of caffeine.

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Looks Like I Can Blog In Malayalam, but...

മലയാളത്തിലും എനിക്ക് വേണമെന്കില്‍ ബ്ലോഗ് ചെയ്യാം എന്ന് കാണുന്നു, പക്ഷെ...

... I'll want to make another blog for that. I'll just say that this is awesome. കലിപ്പ്.

Now back to the irregular program.

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Teach the Controversy...

Gravitation: Fact or Theory?

Gravitation is a theory. Intelligent Guidance is a theory. That aliens visit us daily is a theory. But then, why do they teach only one of these theories in class rooms in India, in America, everywhere? The answer is simple. Academia is filled with Newtonists and they will expel anyone who doesn't buy into the dogma of Newtonism.

The Controversy

One sad fact here is that many of us who were brainwashed in school do not know that there are gaps in Gravitational Theory. Aside from postulating without offering a hint of a proof that every object attracts every other, Newton offers no explanation whatsoever for gravitational lensing, black holes, Quantum mechanics, the drift in Mercury's orbit or the attraction between the sexes. So much for their great prophet. When will they admit that Newton was wrong? Well, I'm not holding my breath.

If gravity is true, and things always fall down, why are there still pyramids? That they haven't fallen is proof that something is wrong with this theory. Then there is Irreducible Levity, the understanding that the behaviour of certain objects cannot be explained by chance attraction. Random attraction cannot explain the behaviour of a hydrogen balloon or a zeppelin for instance. Intelligent Guidance, where an edible external intelligence decides which objects should fall and which should rise, is the only tastable explanation. But Newtonists justifiably fear the discussion of such weaknesses in their pet theory. Thus they will go to any lengths to prevent the academic freedom to do this kind of advanced research and improvisation in public schools. I mean, why else would they not want children to learn that there is a pretty reasonable chance that thunder may be Zeus' doing and nothing to do with electric charges?

The weaknesses don't end there. Did you know that there are people called Australians (antipodes), who live below the Earth? Clearly, if gravity were true, instead of sticking to the Earth, they would long ago have fallen away into space. Again, the only explanation is a benevolent external intelligence whose noodly appendages hold those unfortunate inverted people safely to the Earth.

Just now, I distractedly threw a paper ball in the general direction of the waste basket. Imagine my surprise when I later found the paper in the basket, having miraculously missed the table, the stack of books and the chair. Random gravity or chance clearly cannot explain it. Why didn't it land in my pocket by chance? I cannot imagine how this could have happened by random gravity. I know that the scientific establishment dismisses Special Placement as unscientific, but I'm sure that even an ignorant American legislator can see how only Intelligent Guidance can explain this delicious instance of Irreducible Pathfinding.

What Evidence?

Newtonists say that the planets gravitated into their current positions. As we know, this is very improbable. The odds of the Earth being where it is at present rather than elsewhere in the galaxy is more than 10^152346 against. So we expect that Newtonists have some compelling evidence. Surprise surprise, there is none. They have some footage of things falling--instances of Micro Gravitation. What is the evidence for Macro Gravity? Do they present video footage of the entire development of the solar system? Well, no. They only have very recent footage. And even then, you'd think they have a complete series of shots. As it turns out, there are gaps in the record when, as they claim, their equipment went offline. Will they ever fill those missing links?

Moral Implications

Social Gravitation is a school of thought that deals with how like-minded people gravitate together and form exclusive clubs. Clearly this is immoral. If Social Gravitation didn't exist, would Hitler and friends have drifted together and would they have started the Nazi Party? Newton's theory says that matter attracts matter. Matter doesn't attract energy or any such yucky inferior stuff. Likewise, like-minded evil people attract each other. Without Newton and his Gravitation, there would have been no Nazi Party, no Holocaust and no World War Two. This is the morality of those whom we oppose, my brothers and sisters.